Stay of execution, or more foot draggin'?

I go to get my mail this afternoon, feelin' sick as a dog anyways, and I see that I have a letter from the OIPC.  As the logo above indicates, it's the Office of the Information and Privacy Commissioner of Alberta.  I had just thought about them late last night come to think of it, and oddly enough I would hear from them the next day.  As I picked up the letter, it seemed awfully thin, so I started to vibrate...if it's that thin, it can't be good news, right?

But allow me to preface...

Late last year, just before winter, I filed an official privacy complaint against Party X for what I perceived and understood as a violation of my privacy, and a contravention of the PIPA Act.  Up here in Alberta, we have several levels of privacy protection...one is the PIPEDA which affects federally regulated outfits (like banks and such), as well as FOIP, AMVIR, HIA and of course PIPA.  Depending on where you are/were employed, will determine what branch of the privacy acts would pertain to you and the company for which you work(ed) for.  In my case, Party X falls under the PIPA Act.

As sad as it seems, I'm already familiar with the process, as this is now the second time I've launched a complaint against Party X.  The only difference between them that I can see is, the first complaint revolved around a "he said/she said" scenario of which of course Party X is gonna deny any wrong doing, circle the wagons and protect their own...they didn't wanna risk an official file being laid open for all to see; this second complaint though, they were caught red-handed with their hands firmly in the cookie jar with no chance at plausible deniability.  Though the first complaint left a sour taste in my mouth, I had to walk away with the knowledge that they still had an official complaint on file, though not disclosed.  They had been marked, and by me.  The fact they were on record now had to be good enough for me.

Just FYI - they were guilty as Hell the first time too, but because we weren't afforded a chance to bring "witnesses" to meetings, it really came down to a "he said/she said" scene...they know they fucked me over, and probably laughed about it afterwards.  We all know what really happened that day...they'll have to live with their guilt for covering it up.

Anyways, this time out they were nailed red-handed as I mentioned, and there was no way in Hell I was gonna let them get away with it a second time.  Having the advantage of quantifiable proof at my fingertips was all the motivation I needed to go after them a second time.  They may have dodged a bullet once, but they weren't gonna get away with it twice.  Not as long as there's a breath left in my body.  So I filed the official grievance.  Oddly enough, I was assigned to the same Case Worker from my first complaint, and our first chat since then was prickly at best.  Still, I felt more confident than last time seeing as how I had evidence available that couldn't be denied like it was last time.

So we talked and I was reminded that they "anticipate" a resolution on or before February 20, 2009.  We discussed why I filed, and what I expected to see come of it.  We left it at that, and I was informed that I'd be kept in the loop as it moved forward.  So we're at the end of January now, and they hit my thoughts last night, as I was pondering the status of my complaint.  The first one was over fairly quickly, and this one has been played out a while longer...so I took that as a good thing.  But that didn't stop my curiosity.

Then I get this letter, and it's thin.  So I start to vibrate thinkin', "There's NO WAY they could side with Party X on this...NO WAY!  I have PROOF!"  I open the letter realizing that I could possibly appeal if needed, so let's see what they had to say.  Well, much to my chagrin, it's just a notice from their offices informing me that, under their provisions and as was also stated in my initial acceptance of the complaint, they are exercizing the option to extend the "anticipated" resolve date to April 15, 2009.

Well what...the...fuck.

Okay, so I calmed down a bit.  I re-read the letter as short as it was, and I actually smiled a bit after reading it a second time.  Again, to me in my mind, if they have to extend it it means that something's happening behind the scenes, right?  As I see it, it means one of two things...1) they are allowing Party X more time to drag their feet trying feebly to defend their actions, or 2) they are allowing more time to Party X to get their shit together as part of the prescribed punishment/recourse that will be revealed to me at a later time.  I imagine it could be a host of just about anything else as well, but those two items stand out the most to me, given the circumstances.

Even though I was really looking forward to doing the "countdown" to February 20, 2009...I guess I'll have to wait a little longer to start counting the days.  The tiny optimist in me says that this is a good thing, that it's been bumped back because it wasn't so easy to dismiss as it was the first time.  With any luck, I'll be correct in that speculation and come to find it out in due time...else I'll appeal if they try to fuck me again.  When you walk in with evidence in hand, a harsh lecture to them will just simply not be acceptable to me a second time.  They dodged a bullet once, and likely laughed about it...

...but this time the last laugh will be mine...

"Seen one, seen 'em all" takes on a whole new meaning...

You know...people often ask me why I'm so angry all the time...and it's days like this that remind me WHY I am, so I'll share just another reason for that.

You see the picture to the left there?  The one about FRAUD?  Yea, well, I happened to stumble across a lot of it tonight and mostly by accident (I seem to be doing that a lot lately).

I'm researching my market for my business, and trying to analyze trends and marketing and pricing...the whole gamut, and I happen across this outfit in Edmonton that claims rather boldly, "Edmonton's most trusted name in computer repair".  They go further to add, "Welcome to Techs On The Go Computer Repair. We have been providing Edmonton's most dependable and speedy computer repair services for over a decade."

Okay then.  So why is it that this is the first time I've ever heard of them?  If they're the "most trusted name" in Edmonton, then why haven't I heard of them?

But I thought to myself, "Self...relax...there's some Testimonials there for us to look at, so let's see who they've dealt with."  So I head on over to that page, and I have to admit it seemed impressive on the surface.  They appeared to be dealing with businesses, and that's all...

Wait a minute...

Whoa...

What's this?  

"Tom Thumb"?  "ACME"?  "Jane Jones"?

Hmm...

Call me skeptical and cynical, but something just didn't seem right to me all of a sudden.  I know who Tom Thumb is, and he sure as Hell ain't no business owner.  So I head on over to Google.  I mean, this ACME Goods company should have some kind of site up for me to look at and see a profile of Mr. Thumb, right?

WRONG.

As suspected, I dug deeper to uncover a HUGE FUCKING DECEPTION AND FRAUD.  I Googled the description from this reported "Testimonial" and wouldn't you know it...REAMS of other sites ALL USING THE SAME TESTIMONIALS!  Far be it from me to cast doubt, but wow this Mr. Thumb sure likes to spread his wealth around, and doesn't believe in anything but stock answers.  But then I noticed that some of these sites had THE SAME EXACT TEMPLATE.  Little to no changes made at all, except company name.

So not only am I pissed off with one scammy site, I have to see there are several.  Made me think to myself, "Self...these people claim to be providing services for over a decade and yet they weren't smart enough to change the Testimonial names and words?!"

Little fish...big pond.  And they got NO GAME.

Here are 4 examples of the many I found...see any similarities in them?

Fraud site 1 -- Fraud site 2 -- Fraud site 3 -- Fraud site 4

Those mother fuckers out there that operate like this are the very reason why consumers and businesses will CHOOSE to go with the "Big Box" providers, and get ass raped doing it...because of "fly by night" outfits like these fuckers that ruin it all to Hell for people like me and MY business.  Don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with using a template, but for the LOVE OF GAWD...have the fuckin' brains enough to ADJUST THE FUCKIN' DEFAULT TEXT you gawd damned retards.  Your "Testimonials" may look nice as-is, and make you seem all important and a "big player"...but once I expose you as the fuckin' fraudsters you are, you're little more than just another sorry ass piece of shit.

Oh yes, I said I'm gonna out you.

All of you.

You fuckin' morons out there that operate like this give REPUTABLE and GENUINE companies like mine a bad name, and a tough hill to climb.  You think I'm gonna sit back and allow that to happen?  Get bent, dipshits.  No, I plan to rat your asses out ASAP.  Good luck ever gettin' business again.

Fuckin' fraudsters...makes me wanna projectile vomit.

***EDIT*** 0109 hrs MST I just sent a complaint to the CIRA folks (those responsible for the .CA domain names) to lodge a complaint againt this sham site to see if it can be shut down.  I'm also a .CA domain holder and I'm pretty sure that fraud is a big no-no in the agreement that we acknowledged to get our site registered.  If this outfit claims to have over a decade of experience, feigned ignorance or "I didn't know any better" just ain't gonna hold water...let's see if CIRA shuts them down.  By rights, they should, and be happy to do so.

Competition can be good...

Oh oh...

I go off on my own and start randomly investigating my competitors and competition in general, and I guess I didn't have a defined enough search last time 'cause I found tonight what I didn't see previously.

Yes, I was thinkin' about lookin' for the "Panic Button".

Then it dawned on me...this ain't a bad thing at all.  In fact, it's quite the opposite.  Competition for me in my business is the best thing for me, and honestly there's more than enough work out there for all of us *laughs*.  Up til tonight, I thought this was a relatively untapped market I was walkin' in to...not the case it seems.

There's a huge "however", however...

In the event that my initial research was erred and mistaken, and this market has been lightly tapped already, is it enough reason for me to hit the "Panic Button" and look for an emergency chute?  Is it enough for me to jump out of a perfectly good airplane?

Nope.

I just had to remind myself that even if the market has been lightly tapped already, despite my initial research...that's not enough reason for me to panic and flail my arms about my head, runnin' around the room cryin'.  So what if there seems to be other rivals that are in the same type of field I'm entering.  The people I've talked to (in some VERY high places) have yet to hear of any of this being offered, and they're by no means "new" to the industry...so how good is this competition anyways?  How effective are they REALLY if these high positions have yet to hear of such offerings in their area?

To me, and with no disrespect intended, they can't be that shit hot if they haven't been heard of around these parts.  And these competitors have been in business for a decade or more, so they aren't "new" to the industry either.  Put those together, and I still have a 100% viable business plan in my hands.  I just have to bear in mind now that there are other "players" in the game, so I need to make sure that I'm offering something that they don't, or offering it in such a way that makes mine stand out more (more appealing) if it is the same thing.

Admittedly, I felt a little intimidated when I found out that there are some "players" in the game, but to be honest, I kinda already knew it...I couldn't feasibly expect that this market was virginal.  Maybe that's why I didn't hit the "Eject" button as I may have once upon a time.  My research didn't dig anything valuable up initially, but the realist in me would chime in saying "C'mon now...you'd be the ONLY kid on your block with this idea?  Get serious."

It's like I've told people around me...by the time YOU have an idea, or issue, or problem, or solution...bet good money that it's already been made available before now.  You'll just be one of many by the time it hits your brain.  Guess those were sage words of advice for me to follow too, and thankfully I kept them close to me to keep me grounded in reality.  In other areas of my business and services, the competition being around is EXACTLY what will make mine stand out...'cause they're droppin' the ball left and right, and I'll be there to race in and scoop it up and run with it.  Same too with this recent discovery tonight.  I'd like to believe that my competitors being around (and so far unheard of) is the EXACT reason why mine will stand out in the end.

First don't always mean best.

First on the scene doesn't mean you can't be usurped.

This King has room on his head for someone else's crown too...expect it to happen.

Day Four (delayed) - Had to happen I guess...

Day Four, and after a lecture about the slacker types earlier this week, I traded a rant for some extra zzzzzz's this morning.  Yep, I slacked too this week.  I was tired but probably coulda made it to class...but I thought to myself, "Self...others have been all slack type this week...why should YOU lead by example?"

So I called it in.  I had a bug.

Actually, I've been runnin' on a supply of nervous energy all week, and so much on my mind with so much to do, and still more to come...that it finally caught up with me all at once.  Tossed and turned most of the night, despite goin' to bed at a reasonable time even.  I actually felt like such a 'tard when I called in though, but thankfully THAT feelin' lasted but a mere moment.

From the sounds of it, I missed little really.  I would preferred not to have missed the morning seeing as how we had another guest speaker, and this time from Registries Office...but they left enough paraphernalia for me to gloss over if needs be.  And you know, ain't this just typical...I show up and I'm all proud of myself for taking the time to complete a draft business plan for my company, and submit it...just to have the instructor "attempt" to chide me in her oh so condescending tone about how I had no business handing it in 'cause I didn't do it her way...their way...they have a "process" and apparently judging by her tone alone, I had committed some manner of unforgivable sin.  I shit you not, you shoulda heard the way she talked to me.

So I shook my head and said to toss it then if it was that big an inconvenience.  One of the other classmates remarked "That was awkward..."  Indeed it was, but *I* didn't make it that way.  Last time I checked, when I saw the work "work" it meant to imply an action.  However, I guess in this alternate universe called the classroom, "work" means "read but don't do".

And yes, I'm still quite choked at the instructor's bad form in how she handled my plan submission.  As far as I'm concerned, that's two strikes against her now, and if she gets a third, J's gonna open up that "Keg O' Whup Ass" he has sittin' on his shoulder.  A) I don't like being over-talked, and B) I don't like condescending tones.  Those are her two strikes so far.  One more, and the gloves come off.  I'm a fucking adult, and you better believe that I don't expect to be treated as one, I DEMAND to be treated like one.  I've fuckin' well earned it a hundred times over.  Keep treatin' me like a kid lady, and I'll show you just how unruly a kid can get...trust me.

After class I went to visit a friend I haven't seen in ages (like 10-13 years now).  Neither one of us had changed all that much, but she says I look exactly the same...not too sure how to take that :P

She had computer troubles also, which I was aware of, so we ended up back at her place so I could take a look at it.  Yep.  Was fucked up alright.  Guess she had a *cough*"tech"*cough* come out and spend several hours "fixing" it, which is shorthand for "ruined her shit even worse".  Oh yea man, this one was up against the wall to be sure.  2 hours in and I had barely scratched the surface, so I opted to haul it back to my shop to fix it for real.  Had to dig deep in my bag of tricks, but we got 'er all figured out now, and it's 100% back to normal now including fixing proper what the last *cough*"tech"*cough* ruined all the Hell and back.

I feel bad that she wasted her money on that idiot.  Yes I said idiot.  Seems anyone can call themselves a "tech" if they know one more word than their client does.  Such a shame really.  Oh well, with idiots like him roaming free and wild, it just makes my job easier to come in and save the day by actually fixing a problem, and then they come back to ME.  I should start charging more  *laughs*.

Yep, I just pat myself on the back just then.  Just another notch on my lengthy gun belt.  Fixed what they said couldn't be fixed.

I am just that damn good.

Day Three - Sole Partnership Incorporated

Day Three is now done.  Fairly productive day all things considered.  It was a fairly important day to be sure, since we had a Lawyer scheduled to arrive at 1:00PM to give us some free legal advice.  Not a day one would wanna miss, seeing as how she charged $250/hr normally.  She was there til 3:00PM answering questions for us, so in short form I saved myself $500 right off the bat just by taking this course.  Aside from my own questions, she answered a lot of others that were pretty far reaching.  Very informative, and now I have a better idea what direction I want to pursue.

For anyone that doesn't understand opening your own business, there are really only 3 flavors that are available to us...there is the Sole Proprietorship (meaning you ARE your own company/complete personal liability), and Partnerships (you and X are the company/shared liability), or Corporations (like LTD/INC/CORP/limited liability as company is its OWN entity).  While there are advantages to all (except Partnerships really), it depends on the type of business you want to open.  The Lawyer, Laura, opened my eyes and the rest of the class to a lot of legal predicaments that could arise from each, and the consequences if any.

So I have decided that due to the nature of my business, a Corporation is realistically my only option.  I could easily get away with a Sole Proprietorship and just hope for the best that my legal agreements and waivers will protect me, but because I'd be 100% personally liable for everything, this is not a wise move on my part, contract or no contract.  Corporation it is.

So I'll be looking into getting myself a company established as early as tomorrow, or next Friday at the latest.  It can get expensive, but it's my first real investment in my own company and proof that I'm serious about my endeavour.  Actually, Laura and the instructor have informed us that, according to the local Government we are officially self employed/entrepreneurs as of January 19th 2009 (our class start date).  Our businesses may be classified at a later date, but for all intents and purposes we are now already considered self employed in the Government's eyes.

So WOOHOO on me!  GO TEAM!  YAY ME!

Right now, I'm kinda stuck on an actual company name, so I opted to solicit ideas for one from the class this morning.  They rattled off at least 30 different names for me to use, and some of them are VERY impressive indeed, and ones I'd never have thought of myself.  To do myself a favor, I'll just be getting a numbered Alberta Company for the time being, and just "operate as..." until I can choose the best name that suits my business.  That was one of the questions I asked Laura, was whether or not I could start a numbered company first, operate as Company XYZ for a bit, then actually establish that name...she said absolutely, and a lot of people do that.  I'd have to be cautious though to ensure that any contracts I signed while under an alias would be signed again under the new official company name (if different than my former alias).

As far as I'm concerned, the course has already paid dividends in spades.  Just from the 2 hours we got to spend with Laura.  The best part is, we get to speak with Alberta/Edmonton Registrars next about licences and permits/etc. to operate in the province and elsewhere and what's required, but that's just the beginning.  We also get to speak with Chartered Accountants about bookkeeping, other independent operators, Bank Managers and financiers, and the list goes on.  In just 8 weeks time, this course would've saved me countless hundreds of dollars or even thousands when it's all said and done just with the free advice and assistance we're being provided at no cost.

The Government wants us to succeed, clearly.  It's in their best interest if we do.  If it means providing these essential and frequently used assets at no cost to us to accomplish that goal, then so be it.  I know I speak for the entire class when I say, we couldn't be happier.  The course material and briefing is invaluable in itself, but the add-ons like Lawyers and CA's...well that's priceless to a startup group such as we are.  Every add-on has HUGE impact to us.

Day Four tomorrow, then I can say I have done (almost) my first full week to freedom...with just 7 weeks  remaining.

That reminds me, I'll need to get my hands on a Day Timer now too.  ~sigh~

Day Two - weeds among the roses...

Okay so here we are at Day Two.  Pretty much business as usual, and still in formative stages.  Homework that was assigned was dry enough to be considered worthy of it's own desert...but I did most of it.  Got a little chastized for expressing my distaste with the "redundancy" of it as the reason I chose not to do it all...but small price to pay for peace of mind.

And we still have weeds among the roses.  ~sigh~

We may be only on Day Two, but c'mon now...if you fuckers can't show up on time (if at all), then quit wastin' our time and yours and just drop the class.  Yea, we had some more slacker types again today that were conveniently the same ones from yesterday.  Now, had this been a JOB, it's almost a universal standard that tardiness on the first day is expected...but this is now Day Two, so either get your shit together or fuck right off.  Had this been a JOB, late two days in a row would likely be grounds for a "watch" to be placed on you immediately...and that is not good by any means.

I am NOT a morning person.  I'll be the FIRST to admit that, and was one of the great many reasons why I enjoyed working from home at my last job.  There was no commute, and no distance to travel, so I could sleep in a bit longer and such, but still be on time.  Now that I have to commute (at least for the next 8 weeks), it means I have to force myself to be a morning person for that time.  If *I* can do it, the rest of these asshats better play the same tune or J's gonna get himself right pissy.

When these slacker types came sauntering into the room, you could feel the energy get sucked right outta the class (or as my boy Pimp and I used to say, "busted my chi").  That is not only inconsiderate to the class and instructor, it's poor form if you expect any one of us to take you seriously as a future entrepeneur.  I mean seriously, if you can't bloody well show up on time to a CLASS, how the fuck am I gonna take you serious that you'd show up for a meeting...or other manner of appointment?  All they're really doing is demonstrating how little pride they have in themselves, and how little respect they have for the rest of us.

That makes me mad.

You wouldn't like me when I'm mad.

I figure if it happens again tomorrow, or even the day after, I plan to speak to the coordinator of the course personally and remind them that I plan to inform the Government (of which is sponsoring this course) that they are allowing slacker types to roam free with no discipline or follow up.  If you're just filling quota by saying that these people are to be attending, but they really aren't...then I'm sure the Government would take a dim view of the class being occupied by a bunch of mouth-breathers just so you can fill seats.  Like I said, you wouldn't like me when I'm mad...I get vengeful and downright ruthless if needs be.

The best part of today's class was after class in fact.  The instructor started a chat about goals, and who you can call on to assist you in achieving them.  She used the goal of weight loss (like 90% of women would), and went so far as to imply that if her significant other wouldn't agree to remove temptation from her sights, that he couldn't be relied on for support.

I waited til the end of the class to show her the burr that commentary left on my ass.

Only because I could personally relate.  I think it was early 2006 (I believe) and I was living with my ex fiancé.  She came into the living room one day and right outta nowhere decided to inform me that she was gonna be joining Jenny Craig to try and shed some pounds.  When I say outta the blue, I mean outta the blue.  There was no warning shot or conversations about weight that I can recall that would've been seen as a catalyst to this bombshell announcement.

Anyways, my asshole immediately puckered up after she dropped it on me.  Why?  'Cause that scenario is akin to "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?" that's why.  The FIRST thing that came outta my mouth was me telling her that I'd support her 100% if she could answer one question for me...

"Are you doing this for YOU, or are you doing this because you think or perceive that I gave you reason enough to believe I wanted you to?"

She told me after a short pause that she could give a fuck what *I* thought about it, and she was doing this because she was tired of sore knees, sore ankles, sore back, huffin' and puffin', and so on.  Okay, fair enough.  The LAST thing I wanted to hear was how I made her feel that I thought she should lose weight, and believe me for the next few days I had tried to go over every single conversation and email between us to see if there was any indication or reference I'd made to this effect.

Now, I told her I'd support her 100% and I fully meant it.  I wanted to be her moral support, and she was glad that I was supporting her decision.  She even asked me to make sure that if she starts to slip or sneak or cheat, to give her the "speech" to get her back in line.  Fair enough.

However, it wasn't long before there came a time that I was out on the couch, watching a movie or something, eating a cheesecake I had bought for myself (she couldn't have any) and she came out of the computer room to grab a drink.  She caught me on the couch, blissfully unaware of what was about to happen...I was just watching the flick and mindin' my business when all of a sudden she pops her head into the room and lays down an assault on me.

She freaked out because I was eating a cheesecake (and my 2nd or 3rd piece by this time), with a bag of chips on standby and a 2L of Pepsi to wash it all down with.  I choked on my cheesecake with the surprise attack.  She said I was an asshole because I was eating that "shit" and knew she couldn't have any, so what the fuck kinda fiancé am I and what kinda support is that to be offering her?!  She even started in with personal barbs like "Must be nice to have a high metabolism and be able to eat all the shit you want and stay perpetually thin!!"

Yea, she went there.

I was in shock for the most part.  How did I suddenly become a villain?  Why was I being attacked?  It's not like I walked into the room and made goo goo eyes and "mmm" sounds while I devoured the cake in front of her like a true asshole woulda.  I was eating in peace, and by myself outta sight...so why all of a sudden am I being jumped?  Naturally, I went into defensive mode and told her SHE was the one on a diet, not ME.  SHE wanted to lose weight, not ME.  SHE wanted to eat right, not ME.  Why should *I* suffer and have to give up MY treats just because YOU wanna lose weight?!

That's why I had a burr in my ass over the instructor's comments.  To me, the way she said it, and having a story I could relate to...implied directly that I was an uncaring and unreliable sonofabitch because *I* wouldn't quit eatin' junk shit because she had the willpower of a wet paper bag.  That I couldn't be "counted on" for any support.  I took that comment VERY personally.  If I agree to support you in your goal, I will...but not at MY expense.  If I have to change MY life because of YOUR goal, then all bets are off.  And even suggesting that my refusal to "adapt" makes me unreliable or uncaring was insulting and offensive.  I should have to eat my snacks like a refugee outside in the garage...or treat a trip to the fridge like a Special Ops mission because YOU have no fuckin' willpower?!

Get bent.

So needless to say, it created a great debate discussion that saw 3 of us engaged in.  She elaborated that, where goals are concerned, this is where most people will fail...be it a personal goal, or a business related one...when you personalize it and create imaginary lines whereby their acceptance or refusal to comply with your "needs" will make or break your end result...you FAIL.  Expecting others to make it easy as pie for you by removing ALL obstacles is where people fail themselves and their goals.  If you ask and someone refuses to comply because really, it's a "win-lose" scenario and not a "win-win" scenario, then you need to get Plan B in order in short form, and fast.  Don't go blaming the failure of your goal on anyone else just because they didn't make it easy as pie for you, and don't personalize it.

Good lesson to learn, and she has asked that I relay this story again tomorrow to the class so we can see what happens when others place too much emphasis on Plan A, and not enough on Plan B and the consequences that one may see once it gets personalized for any reason.

Should make for a good discussion.  Being only 1 of 4 males in the class, I expect to hear a lot of feminist claptrap about how "the man" is holding women down by not "helping" by stopping his junk food habits for "her".

Interesting day ahead, I suspect...

Day One - It all begins here

Day One.

I actually surprised myself to be up so early, and be on time to classes this morning.  Spent so many days getting up at the "crack of whenever", and was currently runnin' on 4 hours or less of sleep...yet there I was, at 9AM at their doors, ready to get me some learnin'.

I didn't really know what to expect, so I went in blank.  I thought for the sake of my sanity, I wouldn't try to figure out what was gonna happen - I'd just let it happen and roll with it.  That seemed to work just fine.  Jim, the coordinator I spoke with, started my day out by supplying me with an invoice he received to not only give me an example of what one could look like, but also to show what he (over)paid for his "support", and a breakdown.  This was a result of a chat him and I had previous to today where we talked about my services I'll be offering.  Anyways, I took at look at this thing and spotted so many Red Flags I nearly fell over.

But an amazing thing happened...

As I read the invoice, I thought to myself, "Hey...if this knockoff can make what he charged, for what I wouldn't even consider any real 'work' done...then not only will *I* succeed, I'll make a killing!"

Now back to the class.  It was very "I talk, you listen" which doesn't sit well with me at ALL, seeing as how I'm used to a more interactive style of training, but I reminded myself that this was just for 8 weeks.  "It's just 8 weeks J...just 8 weeks."  Very dry material, and very hyperactive instructor (babygirl needs some Ritalin), but I learned some new things already just on Day One.  Off to a good start all things considered, and if I had any doubts about my chances at success, they were all but eliminated today alone.

Overall, I have a feelin' I'll be buttin' heads with  the instructors from time to time, as their method of instruction is in contrast to my ability to learn...but I'll just keep reminding myself that it's only for 8 weeks, then I don't have to be force fed their rhetoric and monotony.  As an added bonus, not only are prospects lookin' good as-is, I may be able to finagle my way into absorbing the class as a client for my business.  ALL systems they have there are systems I know intimately from my time supporting OEM computers, so this would be a walk in the park for me.  Chances are, I'd be able to make a payday there and still charge less than they're paying their current IT guy.  I'd hate to see someone ousted, but in games like this, it's survival of the fittest...laws of the jungle have to apply.

It's just Day One, but I can say that I have every belief that this decision I made was not only the right one...but the best one.  Those steppin' stones between me and my dreams/ambitions are being laid down as we speak.  The first stones of my new Kingdom have been placed.

I imagine I'll be sleeping soundly tonight, dreaming away of times when I'll have little worry for anything anymore...and all because of one decision.

Um...'scuse me, you're in my "bubble"...

I swear to whatever "God" exists out there, that the next fuckin' idiot to invade my personal bubble gets their ass kicked up and down the street...

I've fuckin' HAD IT!

I'm so fed up with people encroaching on my personal space that it's got me seethin' right now, and I wanna un-fuck someone's head and shit down their throat.

I'm deadly serious.  I've had enough of this shit to last 3 lifetimes.  The next one to violate my personal space is gonna get drop kicked so hard that by the time they regain consciousness, their clothes will be out of date.

I'm standin' there in the checkout line at Zeller's, waiting to pay for my purchase and this twat behind me was so close her perfume was makin' me gag.  If I had stretched out an arm to say, adjust my jacket or hat, I'd have to preface it with a "Excuse me" first.

UNACCEPTABLE.

I glared at this nitwit at least 3 times, and even went as far as to let out a growl of disapproval at her proximity.  She was clearly unfazed.  In the meantime, I had enough room between myself and the shopper ahead of me to allow for at least a couple people to stand in line...so say, about 5 feet.  This c*nt behind me though...less than 2 feet, if that.

When it came my turn to pay, I moved ahead to the checkout till and laid my goods down to be processed.  She came right up behind me, and laid her shit down on the counter too...like her bottle of hairspray was gonna cause carpal tunnel or something.  I looked back sharply and just glared at her as I paid.  As I was reaching for my change from the cashier, this fuckin' broad was all but 6" away from me at this point...I looked beside me and THERE SHE WAS all up in my personal space.  I threw my hands out and gestured "You're TOO FUCKIN' CLOSE!".  She was still unfazed, and actually gave me a shitty look.

Wait...

*I* amd trying to pay for my goods...*YOU* are invading my personal space, and *I* get a "look"?!

You have no idea how close I was to layin' down a verbal lashin' on this chick that woulda had Security called within seconds.  I was THIS CLOSE [-------] to allowin' the thunder and bass in my voice to echo to the Heavens above as I told this moron to back the fuck off.  I mean, how fuckin' rude are people these days anyways?!  Would she have appreciated it if I had been so close to her personal bubble...maybe goin' so far as to literally get right up in her face so close I could smell her moisturizer?!

Listen idiots of the world, and listen close...if I can't spread my arms without hittin' some part of your person...YOU ARE TOO FUCKIN' CLOSE TO ME.  If you can't do the same, THEY ARE TOO CLOSE TO YOU.  And so on, and so on.  You fuckin' dullards and "me first" types need to un-fuck your own heads and start actin' accordingly when out in public.  It's called "personal space" for a reason.  Not just 'cause it sounds neat and cool.

Consider that you last fuckin' warning from me...the next one of you twats to interfere with my personal space is gonna get what's rightfully comin' to you...I'll start verbal, but then I'll get to puttin' some foot to ass if you don't get the memo.

Savvy?

TKOC - what's THAT all about?

So what does "TKOC" mean anyways?  Well, it actually has more than one meaning, and I'll flesh it out a bit to give y'all some insight.

As the image clearly shows, it was incorporated into a desktop wallpaper initially with my brother, "Ash" or "BigPoppa" as some call him...but ended up being more meaningful than just it's concept, and actually ended up as a HUGE poster sized pic that I have hangin' behind my couch at the homestead.  24" x 36" of magnificent glory if I do say so myself.

Ash and I have been allies for 22 years now.  Small burp in the fold years and years ago, but we don't count that period in our lives.  Funny thing about Fate is that it'll put you on the right path even if you fuck it up (or cheat it, as I have more than once  heh).  We often snap pics of the two of us in some way, somewhere.  It's become somewhat of a game as we get older.  On a lark, I decided that I wanted to do something meaningful to celebrate the bond that he and I shared for more than 2 decades.  Since we were so apt to gettin' pics taken together in different poses, I thought I'd build on current working themes.

So we struck some poses, and deliberate ones.  Very staged.  Snapped off a few that had a "feel" to them, so I could hopefull end up with suitable material to work with.  Just my luck, we managed with little effort to do just that, and thus we had not one, but TWO kick ass wallpapers made with the pics we took.  When I was workin' to put them together, I had the look and feel...but it was missing something.  A phrase of some type to describe the feel and look.  I was surprised that an idea popped into my head so easily...for the longest time, we have been looked to for leadership personally and professionally, to the point where we've each been referred to as "The King" in some context.

Okay great, that gave me something to work with.  I put it out in text and took a step back...and I was amazed.  It was exactly what the pics needed to compliment the look and feel.  Two Kings, but just one crown to share between us.  Two Kings ~ One Crown.  So fitting, and I'm so thankful that it hit me as quickly as it did.  I can't imagine that series of pics having any other tagline.  It's gonna be brutal to try and top that, but leave it to Ash to say that we'll have to try anyways come this spring/summer.  I look forward to the challenge though...it'll be fun to see if we can truly top that spark of inspiration.

On another more intimate level, TKOC has another meaning.

I'm a Gemini, so by my very nature I have 2 minds about everything.  2 minds, and 2 distinct personalities.  Dual nature.  My "Twins" as I call them.  Just ask anyone that knows me, and most if not all can attest that they can tell clearly which "personality" they're interacting with at any given time...or which "Twin" was responsible for an action or word or thought.  They're so distinct, that they could almost operate as 2 separate entities on their own.  So that led me to look at TKOC on a more intimate and personal level...having 2 Kings of my own to deal with, and just one head...I am my own Two Kings ~ One Crown.  Duality split right down the middle, and each a King in its own right.

So in either case, TKOC has a special meaning to me, and the reason why I wanted to name my blog as such.

Besides, TCB was already taken :P  Thanks a lot Elvis...

My life as a puzzle...

In case you're wonderin', or even care the slightest bit...that little dude over yonder scratchin' his noggin...yea that's how I feel right about now.

I'm lookin' down at the pieces of my life that I've now completely (or almost completely) disassembled.  Kinda like I took the puzzle of my life and busted it up on the floor.  All the pieces for it are there, but where do I begin?  And at 35, why in the crystal green HELL would I bother doing something like that at this stage of my journey?!

Choice.  That's why.

I've long told my "people" that life at its very core is little more than choice and balance.  Your life and the lives of those around you have to have balance, and each choice made affects that balance for the good or bad in some manner.  In the very end, your life balances out...it's how to manage the balance through your life that means something.  It's the choices you make in the meantime that amount to a 'life" worth living.

Someone asked me just the other day why I picked NOW as the time to smash to shit, the puzzle of my life that I had spent 35 years puttin' together.  She asked me to explain to her why NOW was the moment of truth, and not say...10 years ago instead?  As I told her, so now I tell anyone reading...it was a choice.  And a conscious one to be sure.  No, this ain't some midlife crisis.  I made a choice.  Circumstance and chance worked together and conspired for the last several years to build up to the last year of my life, at which time one decision led to another choice and another, which all culminated in this decision to break it all and start over.

Sure, it woulda been great if I had this choice to make 10 years ago, but in hindsight, I wasn't near as ready as I feel today.  Not saying I'm in better shape per se than I was 10 years ago, but I'm profoundly more aware than I ever have been.

I explained to her further that I had reached a crossroads of sorts, and I had to choose where I wanted to head.  Where I wanted to aim my life.  That's when it occurred to me that I'd have to start over.  Take the best of both paths, but walk neither of them.  Instead, take down the sign so no one can follow, and carve my own path.  Tough choice to make, and I'll be the first to admit that, and a risky venture so "late" in life, but really the best decision I coulda made all things considered.  I had to stop being "one of them" and had to be "me" for a change.  She understood.

See, I got tired of following everyone else's policies and directives.  Yea I've said it previously, but I'll build on it here.  For too long I have felt like I've been operating at less than my full potential, and to a guy like me, that's brutal to have to face every day in the mirror.  To know that I'm punchin' my hours for someone else, all to make them look good...while I go day after day feelin' stifled and shackled to mundane and sometimes preposterous directives, as well as feelin' that I'm underutilized and severely underpaid for my talents and passion (thx 'Nerva for bringing that word to the forefront).  With direct nods to Party X rendering me virtually unemployable anyways, I saw this as the best time for me to start taking control of a life and future that I had too long allowed someone else to dictate.

Well no fuckin' more.  Uh uh.  Nope.

Even at 35, I have the passion of a 20-something that's fresh to the world, eyes wide open and ready to take on all comers.  I'll stop just shy of using the phrase "born again" or "reborn" in any context...but rather, I'll use the word "awakened".  Like I've slumbered for most of my 35 years in blissful ignorance of what I'm truly capable of, and what I'm willing to accept as status quo.  The last year of my life has opened my eyes to a great deal of things, not the least of which is the true capacity I have that has never been put to use.  My capacity is near boundless in a pure sense of the word.  I know I'm better than I've been before now, but only recently did I acknowledge it and embrace it fully.  Had scores of people most of my adult life tellin' me "J, you're so much better than (here and this place)...what are you doing wastin' your time and talents here for?"

Artificial security is the best reason I could come up with when I asked myself that question earlier tonight.  The feeling of knowing I had a "9-5" to get up to 5 days a week.  The feeling of a steady job and a regular paycheque.  The feeling that others "respected" me because I'm just like them, in the sense that "we all have to work, right?"  Such an artificial security that was though.  Those same "secure" feelings I validated my choices against, turned out to be the same feelings that inspired dread and self loathing each and every day.  You know that feeling...you get up, do your morning/evening routine, get to work, punch a clock, do your time, then go home so you can go to bed and do it all over again the next day.  Yea, that "secure" feeling also inspired gut wrenching barf filled emotions of wanting to toss myself out a window just to avoid the insanity I was puttin' myself through.

As hard as it was for me to admit to myself after a life so long filled with professing my "Alpha Male" ways...somewhere along the road of my life I had become a sheep.  Just another member of the herd.  Well how the FUCK did that happen?!  It happened because I allowed it to happen.  So busy worried about pleasing everyone else, and making sure I was "right" in their eyes, that I overlooked what it meant to be "right"...it meant I couldn't be ME, except for after hours.  Hours I usually spent bitchin' and pissin' and moanin' about how shitty my life was, and my job was, and how I hated it all and what the fuck was I doin' this all for anyways?  So I can be favored and looked at as "right" in someone's eyes?  To be validated as "an adult" because I slaved away and "did what had to be done" because we all have to do it?

Um yea...fuck that noise.

I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing.  I know that now more than I ever did.  I got tired of wearing that second skin, so I kicked it off.  Broke my puzzle.  Gonna start this merry-go-round all over again, but this time, for me.  I admire the tenacity of the near mindless bleating sheep out there, because without them the world might seriously stop turnin'...but those sheep, and their Shepherds are gonna have to make due without me in the mix from here moving forward.  My last Shepherd was seen by me in January of 2008.  As far as I'm concerned, that will be the last Shepherd I'll ever need to see.  I almost ended up in someone else's flock earlier this month, but lookin' at it all, I see that it was for the best that I couldn't get into the corral.

In just 2 days, I begin the next stage of my life, and start to rebuild my life puzzle.  In just 2 days time, I open more doors for myself than I ever thought possible, or dared to dream.  I embark on the greatest risk I have ever taken for myself, but one that I know needed to be taken now, and not later on.  I'm gonna go into an arena I've long wanted to enter, but was too chicken shit to step foot in (and all for the sake of this artificial security I mentioned).  I'm gonna endow myself with knowledge and tactics, and strategies.  I'm gonna spread my wings and show myself that I can truly fly.  I'm gonna stop being the sheep I made myself out to be, and start being the wolf I always have been.

Ben H over at Party X said it best to me the day I got to meet him for the first time, when I was being interviewed for a position...paraphrasing, he said to me "J, you have an impressive mind and skill set...and we could always use someone like that in a top tier position...but you have too much of a 'lone wolf' mentality to be a good fit at this time for that role we had you in mind for initially."

Little did I know then that Ben nailed it - I was not ever gonna be a good little sheep.  Little did I know that 4 years later, those words would echo in my head in such a way as to cause and reaffirm my awakening.  He knew it and saw it all those years ago, and I just caught on.  Well Ben, one of the few people I respected ultimately...I'm about to show you (and everyone) just how right you were all those years ago when I let that "lone wolf" off the chain shortly...to finally take control of my own life and do what's best for me, and no longer what's best for "them".  I'm tired of making everyone else look good on my efforts...it's time for me to make myself look good for my own efforts.

This "lone wolf" is soon off the chain.  2 days and counting...

Hide the sheep.

My "Cloud" IS my silver lining...

Okay, so a couple blogs back I remarked quickly that I had so little to be thankful for in the 2008 year, but that didn't mean that there was a complete absence of things to be thankful for.  That's where this blog is gonna go, by takin' one of the very few things from 2008 that I consider myself thankful for.  I'm gonna chalk that up to a lesson learned a few years back...I recall telling my then fiancé that my whole life was shit, and I hated it 'cause I had nothin' goin' for me.  That was when I was not so delicately "reminded" that she was part of my life, so by default that meant that I hated her too and considered her useless by proxy.  Yea, I ate me some big ass humble pie that night.

So even though my 2008 year turned to shit in my hands, I kept reminding myself that there would always be other components of my life overall that were "right" or "good".  My sweetheart is right up there at the top as one of those "good" and "right" things that kept it all in perspective for me.  When my chips were down, she encouraged me to keep fighting the good fight, and even went as far as to tell me that she was proud of me.  That alone by itself is exceptional.  Add her love to all that, and it was the life preserver I needed to keep me from drownin' in my own pool of hatred and self loathing.

Though other components of my life were reasonably "good" and "right" in 2008 despite all other obstacles and battles, this blog entry is just about her.  hehe

Indeed I can say without any doubt that just the thought of her in my life was sometimes enough to get me through some dark times, and feelings of despair.  I can imagine her right now, sittin' at home or off at work doin' her thing, just being her...it's really all I have to work with seeing as how she's clear across Canada right now *laughs*.  Same place she's been since her and I reconnected back in late 2007.

Yes, there's a story there.  I'm gettin' to it.

Melanie, or "Cloud" as we nicknamed her years ago, is clear across Canada.  Yep, that means that against my vow to never again get involved in a long distance relationship, that's exactly what I willingly plunged myself back into with her.  I had reasons to turn my back on my vow though, and to make that exception for her.  Honestly and admittedly, had she been anyone else, I woulda stood firm behind my vow 100%...she got the exception to the clause for several good reasons.

The first being that her and I knew each other years ago.  Some 15+ years ago actually.  So she's by no means "someone new" in my life, and someone I'd have to get to know from the ground up.  Another reason, and the one I acknowledge more than any else before it or after it, is that I don't believe in coincidence, I believe in Fate...through a series of events and circumstances that all fell into place one after another, we happened back into each other's lives after so long apart.  Had it not been for those circumstances that no one saw coming, we'd have likely gone another decade or longer without running into each other again.  I believe more than anything, that Fate had plans for me, and though I thought I was on the right track years ago, I was to be corrected, and put back where I belong...with her.

Oh, and I can't fail to mention that she's drop dead gorgeous!  Heh...

She actually reminds me a great deal of Anne Hathaway, and that's something I've mentioned to her on occasion, and had a few people remark on as well.  For those that live in a cave, below is a pic of Anne Hathaway to get some idea of my sweetie's remarkable beauty:

So yea, those are a few of the many reasons why I turned my back on my vows, and offered myself an exception to the rule.  She has her own dedication page up on my website, so I won't bother repeating myself for what it's worth, but I'm comfortable speaking about her here just a bit more.

When we reconnected back in 2007, I had high hopes for 2008 and the possibilities that could be presented to us.  The practical side of my "Twins" was tellin' me that I needed to ground myself in reality, and that really all I was doing was livin' some manner of deep seeded fantasy by allowing myself to indulge in thoughts of her and I as a couple...while the idealist side of my "Twins" was tellin' me that there are no such things as coincidences, and Fate had tossed us back into the ring together for a reason, so accept that for what it was.  I've used the term "civil war" to describe this internal battle that wages on daily, and I dare say I'm not too far from the mark.

My family and friends...my "people" have all supported me for my diligence, but have all at least once remarked that maybe I need to let go of the dream, and settle for something closer to home.  Someone that ain't 3500KM away presently.  I'm fairly sure that even her and I have asked ourselves the same questions, about whether or not we should just accept that our distance as it is will represent the "N variable" that will keep us from being together...but speaking only for myself, those thoughts didn't last but mere moments if anything.  Sure it could be considered easier if I looked closer to home for someone to settle down with, but she hasn't given up on me so why would I give up on her?  Why would I give up on us?  Easier, as I've learned, doesn't always mean "better".

Distance is just that...distance.  It's nothing so insurmountable that it can't be overcome in time, and with a lot of planning and work.  This is what I have told all the skeptics when they are told of my current situation, and of course my love life (when I'm queried about it).  I just tell them that I appreciate their genuine concern for my overall "well being", but I have no plans, immediate or otherwise to let this all go just because of something as benign as distance.  Besides, I already know "Murphy" and his "Law" only too well to think for even a moment that I'd be better off lettin' go and settling for someone closer to home.  Just 'cause I could find that person within my own City limits, doesn't translate into assured success or "greener pastures".  Possible obviously, and without question...but why would I walk away from a love I want more than anything for a second time?

Yea, I said second time.  Long have I loved her and had to bury those feelings for "practical" reasons.  I'd say that I've loved her pretty much since we met (some 15 years ago).  Couldn't say or do anything about it then, but have a second chance to say and do something about it now.  All because Fate intervened and put right what I played with, and twisted to suit my own design.  As corny and overused as it may sound, I am convinced that her and I were meant to be, and though I cheated Fate once, They caught up to me and set things right that I had manipulated...putting Melanie back in my life, and me back in her life.

She is without question, one of the few glowing highlites of an otherwise abysmal 2008.  The conversations we had, the things we said, the "plans" we made and talked openly about...all providing me with fuel to keep going on and forward.  "Cloud" IS my silver lining.  Without any real shock, my desire to be with her once and for all was one of the heaviest catalysts behind my recent decision to take matters into my own hands and start my own business.  Oh, don't get me wrong - I'll be the first to admit that I'm doing this for ME irrespective of any else...but a life with her weighs in heavily just the same.  I figure if we are to live out any of the "plans" we talked about, that's going to require a lot more than just our love for one another.  It'll require communication, commitment, work and perseverance, and of course the "means to an end".  If I expect myself to feel like any sort of contributor to a relationship that'll last, my words and gestures alone won't fill the bill...I'll need resources to accomplish that.  If I resign myself to being a bootlicking wage-slave to some other company, I fail not only myself but I fail her, and I fail us and our "plans".

I've had discussions with her about my intentions to bring us together.  How I want to be her husband.  How I want to be a Father to our own children some day.  How I want to be a friend to her child and someone she can look up to as she grows up.  How I want her to be shown the love and respect that she's long been denied.  How much I want her and I to be examples to our family.  To once and for all prove beyond doubt that happiness ain't "for everyone else".

In my mind, wanting to bring our "plans" to life, and put into action is all the motivation I require.  If I was thinkin' of her as a mere passing fancy, I'd just go back to being the bootlicker and be done with it.  That ain't good enough for me though, if I want to be with her full time, and I know it only too well.  The thought of any of our "plans" coming to see light is strong motivation for me to succeed.  The thought of her and I together is going to be a powerful force for me to keep me upright as I start this new phase of my life.  I walk forward with the impression that distance will soon become a non-issue, as success is forged with each new day ahead of me.  I'll use each success as a stepping stone between us that will eventually see a path leading her directly into my waiting arms.

My practical "Twin" will just have to find a way to come to grips with that.  Heh.

***JFF***  Just for fun, I messed around with Photoshop, and I thought I'd use the image to play a little game with any readers.  Below, you'll see a side by side of smiles.  Try to guess which ones belong to Anne Hathaway, and which one belongs to my sweetheart:

You can see the uncut photo by clicking here.  Did you guess right?