Always "law", but never "justice"

It's only fitting that my first ever blog post would be one of abject anger and rage.  Somehow, all things considered, it was meant to be and likely wouldn't have happened any other way.

So what does it mean when I say "Always law, but never justice"?

It had its own meaning to me at first concept, but as of yesterday took on a new dimension as well.  In this blog, I'll address the first concept for it.

Those that know me, know only too well that I fight for things.  I have long been a fan of open war as it were.  I fight because I was endowed with a spine and a voice and a brain, and I'm not afraid to use any of them individually or as a combination.  Most my life I was more or less afraid of my own shadow, until my Mom said in not so many words it was time to grow a pair and start defending myself.  I came to realize through the years that there are several clichés that coincide with that thought, the most relevant being "If you don't take action, if you allow it to happen, you are no longer a victim but a volunteer".

Absolutely true in every possible sense.  If you don't condemn it, you condone it.

For pretty much ALL of the 2008 calendar year, I was consumed by a fight of such magnitude that it took me til just recently to realize the full scope and depth of the battle(s) itself.  That is to say, I knew I was engaged in a battle, but one bled into another, and then another, and I soon found myself on more than 1 front, but still taking on the same opponent just at different levels.  Having to wage war and fight several things at once is nothing new to me, and hasn't ever really been as far as I can recall...but this time, on different fronts but with the same opponent...that I have to admit was something new to me.

Though I have every right to openly discuss the details of the battles that I waged for nearly a full year now (due to a confirmed breach of contract that was signed that Party X failed to honor), for the sake of sanity I'll keep it as nondescript as I possibly can (for now), with assurances to those reading that when the time is appropriate, I will most certainly reveal the full scoop on ALL details, and yes...that means droppin' names too.  Since believe it or not, this still wages on, I'll err on the side of caution for the time being and keep it vague as I can.

But Party X knows who they are - and they know what thin ice they're already on...so then they must know by now, with all seriousness, that they will be outed by me accordingly when the time comes and there ain't a God damned thing they could do about it.  Oh Party X, you know me too well by now to think or believe that this will be hidden for much longer...I'm just gonna make ya sweat it out a little longer waitin' for me to pull that trigger.

So on to the battle.

It all seemed fairly innocent when it all started.  Honestly and truthfully, when the die was cast I saw it coming and knew in the back of my mind it was gonna happen sooner or later, so it came as little shock to me.  I'm referring to devoting over 3 years of my life to Party X as an employee of theirs only to be cast out as one of many (all in fact) when an announcement came that they were ceasing operations later that year (2008).  As it was explained there was going to be several "waves" of releases...some were effective immediately and others were set off in stages, in roughly 3 month increments, until all were gone.  I was wave 1 of those released.

Again, this really didn't come as a shock to me, and I remember that I had company over that day, and I had made mention that I'd likely be getting released that same day.  I was right.  Less than 2 hours after I requested to sign out early (I mean really, they couldn't expect me to continue the day knowing I was about to be culled), I got "the call" from their HR staff informing me that effective immediately I was no longer an employee of theirs.  Fair enough, I saw it coming and braced for impact, so that when "the call" did come in as anticipated, it wasn't as devastating as it could've been had this been say, a day off for me.

Newly unemployed, I was trying to deal with my still sense of shock and hollow feelings for the remainder of the day.  I said to myself that I would likely take the next 30 days off just to collect my thoughts and plan for the next stage in my life.  I had 2 weeks pay coming, plus a severance package, plus my unused vacation time (totalling approximately 3 weeks pay) so I'd be in no real jeopardy that I could see.  I took a look at the agreement and it appeared pretty standard with all the inclusion I had mentioned above, so I signed it in good faith and really, no hard feelings.  Though I was cast out when I had come so far, and now had to look elsewhere, I harbored no real ill will.  I rationalized it in my head as this was the best thing for me, since the relationship (in my mind) between myself and my employer had always been adversarial at best.

Well, signing that agreement is where all the trouble began.  It started there, and just snowballed...

My final pay came in on time if I had remained an employee, but well outside the "legal" requirement they had to give me all monies due in 3 days.  Not 3 business days, but 3 days.  So they had already committed an offence against me.  Legally bound to provide me all monies owed (outside the severance agreement) within 3 days and they failed to comply.  Now, this was a paltry grievance to be sure, so I didn't really fuss all that much about it.  I still had finances I could survive on, so that issue more or less slid under the carpet.  That led to me noticing that my final pay was missing my unused vacation time however.  Now that, I did take exception with.  So I contacted them to let them know I'm expecting those monies to be paid to me ASAP, and also where is my severance pay?

They replied with what boiled down to a "na na na boo boo we owe you jack shit - come and get it if you think you're gonna get anything from us" reply.  No word on my severance other that "It's on the way".  Okay, so now I was getting pissed off by this time.  Now they have failed to abide by local laws governing final pay to an employee, they also failed to pay me monies legally owed to me under the same laws, AND they were draggin' their feet with my severance pay.  But they had no problems reminding me that I was still in possession of their company equipment (I worked from home/telecommuter) and they expected that back promptly.  So they piss me off, then poke me with a sharp stick, and kick me when I'm down but they expected me to be so hurried to return their equipment?  Um yea...okay.  As you may imagine, I just got right on that because they said so...

More and more time goes by, and now I'm still waiting for my severance pay, and my unused vacation time so I have little choice but to contact my local Employment Standards branch to oversee this situation.  They defer me to a Self Help Kit available online for me to use first before they'll allow me to file a grievance.  Okay, no problems.  I went in assuming that this warning shot would be all that's required for them to make this right.  I couldn't have been more wrong than that.  Again, their reply was pretty much the same as previously with just my verbal request, and they even went so far as to imply that they had done me some kind of favor by paying me more than I was "entitled" to as it was, but out of their sheer "generousity" they'd scrub it off.  And I'm still waiting for my severance, and still getting them on me to return their equipment.

I took a step back and had to think this out.

So I filed an official grievance with ES first.  Had to get that outta the way.  Then I advised them they could come to pick up their equipment, but I refused to allow any of their staff or representatives to come collect it...they had to send a courier or I would not release the equipment.  They agreed but were none too happy about it.  I didn't care, now they had forced me to draw lines in the sand, and that was just the way it was.  Unfortunately for them, my severance pay still hadn't arrived, so I had to regretfully inform them that due to my current financial situation, I couldn't afford to be there for the pickup, but as soon as my financial situation improved, I'd be more flexible.

Yes, that meant that I received my severance pay shortly thereafter.  Only took about a month to get.  As promised, they also received their equipment back once my financial situation improved as a result.

But I was now lost to myself by this time.  What started out as something so seemingly benign, now ended up in full out war.  Though I had suggested to myself that I'd take the next 30 days to collect my thoughts and rebound as appropriate, I had become engrossed in this battle that they started.  I wanted what was mine and I was now determined to fight for it come Hell or high water.  And I vowed to fight it tooth and nail at all costs til the bitter end if needs be.  Admittedly, yes, this meant that I had started to become unhinged as it were.  Unstable.  Resistant to danger signs and warnings of caution, and of course common sense.  Nothing but this battle interested me, and when I say nothing, I really mean it.  I was consumed by it.

I had led myself to believe that this battle wouldn't last very long, simply because I was so clearly in the right, and had the laws of employment working for me.  The laws in question written so black and white that I couldn't see this lasting but a couple weeks to maybe a few weeks tops.  And I was so very, VERY wrong about that.  Days led to weeks, and weeks led to months.  The longer it dragged out, the more determined I was to see this through to the very bitter end.  One of us had to win, and one had to lose, and despite calls to my case worker and even HER boss, I was still championing this cause.  Now it was no longer just about me, but everyone else as well.  My victory would assure all the rest that they wouldn't have to go through this nightmare.  I thought I had finally accomplished a sense of common ground with ES to the point where they had remarked if it'd be easier to get them to pay me the unused days (14 of them), or just 6% of my 2007 earnings.  I replied that in comparison, there's mere dollars or less separating either direction so whatever they thought would be most beneficial to all parties would be acceptable to me.

That joy was short lived though.  They came back at me shortly afterwards, and reversed their train of thought and once again suggested that I am really owed nothing else.  Well now I was furious, and all the sum total of my rage and anger came rising up and I had become officially consumed 100% by it all.  I couldn't fight the rage, and it took me over.  Add to that a relapse of depression, and it makes for a toxic mix.  An official decision came shortly thereafter, where it was made clear to me that I am to be paid "something" that amounted to less than 3 full days, but that was it.  Of course, I could appeal if I wanted to.  Are you kidding me?  Of course I'm going to appeal.

Well by this time, I was now on Employment Insurance as my finances had shrivelled up.  I felt like such a tool to have seen so much time disappear in all this, and even worse to have to tell them that I couldn't tell them WHY I was still unemployed, but due to the severance agreement I couldn't really say much.  So now I'm in appeal, living on EI and credit cards, and looking for jobs at the same time.  The decision from ES led to a new battle that added to the snowball, in that Party X decided to ignore the request/demand to issue me a cheque and they opted instead to use my personal banking information (Direct Deposit) some several months after the fact.  Well now I have a privacy complaint to add to my misery.  Dealing with EI led me to look at my severance agreement as well, and now that agreement is in breach because I had to pursue Party X through a 3rd party to recoup monies owed when we bargained in good faith that they were to be paid to me initially...so add that to my list of battles.

I had 3 battles on the horizon now, and none of them I was willing to walk away from.  Remember, by this time now, I had long been consumed by my rage and sense of revenge and justification that nothing else mattered.  All that mattered were the battles I was involved in.  Bills were mounting, and employment was hard to come by seeing as how when Party X was brought up directly or in passing, my venom had also made it to the surface, rendereing me (in my mind unofficially) as "bad news".  Honestly an employer won't tell me that they denied me because of rage issues, but looking back I can see why I wasn't able to land a job as easy as I should've, and it's because of the sum total of my rage and discussing Party X.  I instead, in moments of clarity, decided that perhaps it'd be in my best interest to just steer myself to self employment, whereby I wouldn't be adverse to future or prospective employers.  EI agreed that would be a viable option, and supported my decision to pursue it.

By now, my friends and family had all told me that I need to give this up.  It was eating me alive from the inside out, and all they got was "Mind your place" from me, because I can't deal with quitters and those that like to bury their heads in the sand if they've been wronged.  I was wronged, and dammit, I was gonna fight this out.  I would never back down or back off.  I figured I had come this far, and there was no point in coming all this way just to give it up now.  I refused to lose, or let them beat me down.  Yes, my life and health and finances were suffering badly, and I was bleeding money that I didn't have, but at the time none of this mattered to me because I couldn't see through my own hate and anger.  The venom reached my eyes and Party X was all I could still see.

We were now into December by this time, and I hadn't been able to get my business up and running, nor was I able to secure a job, my EI had been cut off, and my cards were maxed out.  I still held on to the hope and belief that my appeal would come to a successful completion, and I'd hear back on my privacy complaint, and as well I could look into my breach of contract issue.  Well, I did hear back on my appeal in late December, and they ruled that in essence, they were going to stand behind the original decision which allowed Party X to steal away from the City in broad daylight, and not pay their tab on their way out...essentially, with ES assistance they were helped to "dine and dash" an entire City, and several hundred employees.  I also heard back on my privacy complaint, and they were indeed going to at least investigate my "alleged" infraction.  Leaving just the breach issue, I chose to seek out a Lawyer.  With no finances, ask me how hard it was to finally find some legal assistance that was worthwhile that I didn't have to bleed for.

I went to see the Lawyers in early January (after they all came back from holidays).  I had also landed a job interview, as well as the possibility for a paid-for Self Employment course that would get me where I needed to be.  Some pieces were starting to fit.  The interview went well as near as I could tell, and the orientation for the course was equally pleasing and intriguing.  A battered, worn, and torn up shell of myself made it to my appointment with the Lawyers.  This was the final big step for me in my quest for justice to be meted out.  It was really all or nothing at this point.  When I got the chance to explain my situation to them (and a very nice lady just for the record), she pretty much told me that yes it was indeed a breach, and yes we could possibly action it if they so decided, but ultimately I wasn't going to be compensated for my troubles despite being rendered terminally unemployable, despite the financial hardships I was put into for having to fight so long and hard, and despite the expressed mental anguish I had to contend with...not to mention the physical toll it took on me, there was little recourse they could see for me.  She said in not so many words that we may have laws, but laws don't always mean justice.

I was devastated.  Now imagine if you will, a grown ass man at 35 being reduced to a wailing, sobbing, blubbering mass of snot and tears right there almost on the spot.  A moment of true clarity had been presented to me when I realized that I had basically shred up an entire year of my life dedicated to these fights, and in the end I'd really have nothing to show for it.  She had to leave the room twice actually, as I suspect my wailing made her somewhat uncomfortable.  Understandable under the circumstances I suppose.  She further explained that yes there was a breach of privacy as well, but outside some harsh words, and a possible judgement which would lead to a pittance of a fine against Party X...there wasn't any light at the end of that rainbow either, and she explained the reason was because this just affected ME.  This wasn't a mass breach, it just affected ME, so in short form she made it clear to me that my rights under law as an individual were effectively moot and meaningless as a result.

They've since requested that I submit some documentation to them, especially my decision from ES and the appeal decision and they'll "see what can be done about it", but ideally, it was going to be a long shot at best, and even IF they decided to champion my case she advised me that I'd maybe see a percentage of my losses paid for at the end of the day, but certainly not all.

Always "law", but never "justice".  What does that mean?  Well it means that even though we're protected by laws and regulations and standards and rules, and even if they're breached or violated, it is almost completely meaningless to fight because law doesn't mean justice.  It sheds some light on those masses that choose to bury their heads in the sand if they've been wronged, and pretend they saw nothing, or heard nothing...because I guess they have resigned themselves to the fact that fighting for your rights is almost pointless, even if you're clearly wronged.  It makes me ask and openly wonder why we even have rights and laws then if they are not to be defended or actioned against if breached?  What kind of society have we formed where laws are mere words on paper, and nothing is done if they're breached?  Further to that, why are MY rights as an individual so worthless simply because they are just MY rights, and I'm not "one of many" who've been violated?  It leaves me open to wonder just how many people does it take exactly before anything is taken seriously by the law or the courts?  Clearly not just 1...so are we talking 2...15...1000?  How many people does it take exactly before a law in breach and the rights being breached could/would/should be taken seriously and championed accordingly?

Right now, I'm a financial mess.  An emotional wreck.  A shell of my former self.  Seriously disillusioned by the revelations made by the Lawyer I spoke with.  Adverse health.  Mentally unbalanced.  I have been reduced to a vague resemblance of my former self, and I'm left with little to no recourse at all.  And through it all, I am still consumed by this, and still won't let go.  I have nothing left to lose as I see it, so I'm gonna fulfil my vow to see it all through to the very absolute bitter end.  Now more than ever to continue pushing uphill in the snow, to push that snowball back to the top where it belongs.  Hoping upon all hope that I can convince someone...anyone...that just because it's only affected ME, my rights shouldn't be so easily dismissed and cast aside and rendered virtually worthless just because I'm not "one of many"...and above all else to illustrate that not all physical damages are clearly present at the odd glance.

To see once and for all if I can be the one who can convince the right person at the right time to actually bring justice back to law, where it rightfully belongs.  I will remain a victim, and not a volunteer...even if it kills me in the process.