Stressed desserts?

Ain't that the fuckin' truth?

And here I am, lookin' at that picture and askin' myself how much stock I'm really able or willing to put in it...

All.

That's my answer.

After just shy of a complete year of disaster, and disappointment, I was the recipient of a "Congrats" letter yesterday afternoon, acknowledging my acceptance to a Self Employment course being offered, and sponsored by the "friendly" folks over at Canada's EI level.  For those non-Canadians out there, EI is Employment Insurance (see: pogey).

Yes indeed, I can safely say that I had almost a full year of shattered hope and futility, and massive disappointment with so few things to actually be thankful for (which I do fully intend to blog about shortly  hehe) that when this acceptance hit my hands I almost wept.  Come to think of it, I had to fight back tears to be honest with ya all.  I even told the staff there that this gesture was the first right thing to happen to me in nearly a year's time.  Everyone else shuttin' doors in my face, or tellin' me "No, this can't be done", and then I get this acceptance letter from them for what one EI staffer referred to as a "pipe dream" of mine.  Yea, I'm still pissed about that bitch's remarks...must be nice to have the world unfolded for you and livin' in a vacuum where unicorns fart rainbows and lollipops all day long.  "Pipe dream" my ass!  I'll show her...

Now granted, I can fully appreciate where her commentary was coming from, seeing as how I'm at the precipice of abject ruination of the self and spirit...but still, kinda heartless all things considered if you ask me.  Apparently, she missed the module on "compassion" when she was in training to be an EI mogul.  Whatever...the best revenge is success, and a better life, so I can't wait for the day I get to stroll in there just outta spite claimin' poverty and then showin' her my financials for the year.  After she's done chokin' on her own humility, I'll tell her she can fuck herself with sharp objects and gleefully skip away singin' the "na na na boo boo" song on my way out the door.

Yep.  That'll fix her l'il red wagon.

So anyways, back to this course.  I've had some ask me why I'm going to pursue self employment in the state I'm in, and what with the economy being the way it is currently.  The answer is simple...the state I'm in and the economy ARE the very reasons why I'm doing this against all logic.  That EI douche said it was a "pipe dream" and that I'm "old enough to know better", referring to my assets vs. liabilities that mount, and eluding to me needing to get my ass into some type of full time slave-wage job like the rest of the sheep.  Others have commented similarly.  

Just prior to my acceptance, I was up in line for a subjectively well paid role with a local outfit as an IT Analyst, and to be frank, I really was looking forward to securing it.  The money I woulda been making woulda gone a long way to helping me stay outta the shithouse or livin' in a cardboard box on Skid and Fifth...but at the same time, I knew...I just KNEW that despite the benefits to it, it was not what I wanted to do.  I didn't want to get myself tied in to another job that may disappear on me when I had invested so much into it, like my last job.  I ranted on a fight with Party X in a previous blog, so I won't rehash...in the end I think rendering me virtually unemployable may have long term benefits despite short term consequences.

Due to what I perceive as the current state of affairs in the economy, realistically there is no such thing as "job security" anymore.  Sure, one could feasibly land a good, steady full time job with decent pay and benefits...but how long is that gonna last?  With Party X, I thought "yea right, like they're going anywhere" but look what happened...they did.  So that got me to thinkin' about who's boots I was gonna be lickin' from there on.  Through the myriad of job offers and interviews, being my own boss was something that kept creepin' up on me after each failure to land the full time boot lickin' spot.  As more and more interviews went south (and FYI conveniently after mention or discussion about Party X...hmm...), I started to lean more towards no longer lickin' anyone's boots.

Lo and behold, this opportunity comes my way to take this course, where they help you start your own business.  I probably shouldn't have waited as long as I did to apply, but then again, I thought I'd have been done my battles or landed a job well before now and this was just a fancy of mine that I had randomly thought about.  But one day, I woke up not too long ago and committed myself to being my own boss.  I had had enough of trying to please all these apple polishers with the "right" words, and the "right" look, knowin' that if I did land the job, I'd be chained to their rules and policies and so forth.  I'd be trading one load of swill for another.  In the end, I figured I had nothing left to lose anyways, so perhaps this was a sign that now was the time for action.  Now was the time for me to go out there and do it for myself.

And so, I'm gonna be doing just that.  No more bullshit.  I need to be my own boss.  I need to have my own rules.  I need to keep the polish on the shelf where it belongs.  I need to finally get paid accordingly for my time, effort, and skills that I bring to the table.  No longer will I accept being underpaid and overworked.  Nope.  Been there, done that, and really don't see me going back now.  I'm throwin' down, and have every intention of making the most of this opportunity so that I can call my own shots, and be well paid for my abilities.  The fact that I wanna put the "service" back in "Customer Service" is also a bonus to my soon to be clientele.  I spoke as much to the course coordinator as well.

Will I succeed?  Hard to say, but the opportunity is there in spades.  Plenty of work widely available, and not likely to slow down anytime soon, so I just need to find the lowest hanging fruit and snap 'em up like a hungry pit bull.  Funny aside...just attending the orientation and interview with these people, I was able to land up to 6 possible clients with ZERO EFFORT INVOLVED.  Now when I say zero, I mean just that...I just showed up and spoke about my plans, and had them askin' me about it and how much I'll charge and so on...zero effort means just that.  Do it right, and we have up to 6 people who will tell their friends about me, and then their friends about me, and so forth.  Word of mouth transmissions and I have yet to spend a penny in startup costs or advertisements.

Will I succeed?

You're damn rights I will.  I already have and haven't even started yet officially *laughs*.
After almost a full year of stressed life...now comes the time to turn the word around and get my just desserts.

And I don't plan to stop at one helping either  hehe.